We’re not reporting on the met gala because whatever. Anyway, thanks & bye.

Source: Squarespace/ Unsplash

Let’s be honest: while the rest of the media world is currently hyperventilating over which starlet has successfully disguised themselves as a topographical map or a very expensive chandelier, we’ve decided to sit this one out. The Empire City Wire has better things to do than spend 2,000 words analyzing the "structural integrity" of a gown that costs more than a Brooklyn studio apartment. We could tell you who wore what, but we’re fairly certain you’ve already seen enough spandex and sequins on your commute to last a lifetime.

Frankly, the spectacle has reached a point where the "theme" is more of a suggestion and the red carpet is more of a marathon of manufactured whimsy. We love a good party as much as the next New Yorker, but there is only so much "avant-garde" one can take before it just starts looking like a very fancy laundry day. While the glitterati are busy posing on the steps of the Met, we’ll be busy covering the stories that actually affect the five boroughs—or, at the very least, finding a bistro that doesn't have a four-hour wait.

So, consider this our official "No-Report" report. We aren't sending a photographer, we aren't live-tweeting the jewelry, and we certainly aren't asking "who" anyone is wearing. We’re choosing to focus on the city that exists outside the velvet ropes, because whatever is happening on those stairs is clearly handled by the rest of the internet.

It’s officially bought and paid for by billionaires and we all know money can’t buy taste. Thanks for stopping by, enjoy the peace and quiet, and we’ll see you back at the newsroom coffee pot.